please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize