she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
