Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
