I love black thongs
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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