Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
