I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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