So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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