I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
