my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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