I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
