I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
