She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
