I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
