Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
