If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
