I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
