my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
