I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
