that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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