We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
COCAINE IS GR8
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
