Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i've created a new STD.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
