the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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