Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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