Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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