remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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