im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
