home. puking in laundry basket.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
