One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
