can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
