i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
