I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
