About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
