Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
