You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
