When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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