just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
