his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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