your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
