did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
