She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
