Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
