At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
