Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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