get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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