Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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