Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
