The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
