just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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