I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
