OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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