Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
