White coat. Heels.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
