This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There r osticjed everywhere
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
