; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
