i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
