She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
