I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
