In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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