I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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