I just cut my nipple shaving
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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