Betty ford says i'm here all night
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
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