that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
