You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
