her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
