ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
