i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
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Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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