his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
