so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
