Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
