i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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