I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
