Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
