I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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