OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
