Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
