please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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