Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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