Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Panties = found
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
