Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
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I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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