Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
